sleep-thinking

In my endeavor to become a better writer, I have been following Coach's (Dr. Drury's) advice and when I think of something in the middle of the night that has potential for me to write about...I well...write it down.

So the other night I was in that state of sleeping where you are asleep, but not really. That period of time right before you fall asleep and you can still feel the pillow pressed against your face, but you are unsure whether or not you could actually move even if you tried...yes, that was where I was. I believe I was thinking about spending time with God. I do that often. I think about how I should spend time with Him...I even plan out what I would want to do in that time...I convince myself I should spend time with Him...yet there I lay with my face plastered against my pillow saying yet again...tomorrow.

Confession - I struggle with doing daily devotions...

Confession - I then wonder why I feel far from God...duh.

I think part of the problem that I have with doing devotions is that I have all along thought it only effected me...that the only one who suffers here is me...and so I could not conjure up enough drive to just do it...it felt like cleaning my room ...I'm the only one who will see the mess right? wrong.

While I was sleep-thinking I started listing off reasons why I should be doing devotions. Then one hit me. Devotions are less about me transforming for the sake of just transforming ...but are about me transforming so that I can be as close to God as possible for the benefit of those who are placed in my care and for those I meet on a daily basis.

God wants me to seek Him and become more like Him not only for my own well-being, but for every child that will someday be in my Children's Ministry, for my friends, for my family, for my future husband, and for my future kids. God wants me to look more like Him, so that He can be glorified, so that He can reach more people, so that I become less...and He becomes more.

It is about Him ...not me.

Awesome!