28 before I'm 28 - Update 2

I am now 24.5. 3.5 years to go. 

I wanted to update you guys on my list!  

Green is done, blue is in progress, and black is not yet.

1. Learn to throw on the potter's wheel. - my pottery is not the best, but I do throw on a semi-consitent basis. 

2. Have an apartment - make some of my own furniture...furnish it with antiques and quirky items. - done.

3. Finish writing my curriculum series for Children's Ministry. - This one is getting the cut...apparently what I wanted to write has already been written. Bummer dude. 

4. Play tennis on a consistent basis. - back to just being a goal. 

5. Continue to be a learner - read fiction and non-fiction, write, write, and continue writing, dialogue with others who stimulate new ideas and challenge me to grow and think about things in a new way. - I like this one.

6. Surround myself with friends to share life with, and be in a small group. - I'm still hoping for this.

7. Lead a children's ministry. Equip families, tell Bible stories, invest in the lives of children, and love everyone that I meet.

8. Maintain a healthy diet.

9. Buy an Ipad. - The children's ministry got one...so kind of.

10. Hike, bike, kayak, and camp...not just talking about it, but doing it. Well I own stuff, now I just need to use it. 

11. Start on my Master's. - I talked with the Seminary, hopefully in the next year or two this will be blue! 

12. Make my parent's proud.

14. Go on a missions trip.

13. Get published- December! 

15. Find a mentor.

16. Go skiing or snowboarding.

17. Lead someone (hopefully multiple people) to Christ.

18. Learn to play my guitar (not just chords, but actual songs and be good enough to play in front of others).

19. Consistently go to a coffee shop and talk to the people there.

20. Own a dog. - the best dog in the whole world

21. Read through the entire Bible. - I'm not going in order...but I do want to at some point

22. Learn to sew from my mom.

23. Sponsor a child through World Vision. - Compassion won out.

24. Go to a ministry conference (ex. Orange or Simply Youth Ministry) - D6 2012! 

25. Own, and know how to operate, a nice camera.

26. Volunteer at a sea turtle hospital...for at least a day.

27. Own a collection of records...and a record player.

28. Walk in the footprints of Christ getting closer and closer to Him each and every day.

Number 3's replacement -  Network with ministry leaders.

Well, there you have it...I feel pretty good about getting most (hopefully) all of these done by the time I'm 28...there might be a few added and a few nixed as a result of growing and changing, but regardless...here we go!

"Complaining of Manna"

They were tired, far from what they knew, they were scared and hurt. As they walked after dreams of "what could be" they started to forget. They forgot the vision, the mission, the end goal. They lost site of what they were fighting for. They watched the Egyptians fall, it was amazing, exciting, triumphant...yet sad that it had to come to that. They saw miracles, incredible miracles and they rejoiced, but were a little scared about what this meant. They got what they wanted, but once they got it, they weren't sure anymore. Though their dreams had come true, they couldn't help but miss their homes. They were used to working hard, but in the past it was because of force, now it was determination and the longer they walked the more they doubted.  They doubted that it would be worth it. Would there even be a light at the end of this very long tunnel?  Did we even hear God right? Is Moses really telling the truth? Year after year they doubted more and more.

They were stuck in the wilderness.

Their very own doubt, or lack of trust, kept them wandering.

In the midst of the blessing all they could do was complain of Manna.

God gives us dreams, passions, desires. He sets them in our paths and hearts and with total abandon we follow. We want the dream to come true and are thrilled that God actually does too. But then we forget, or maybe we lose sight. God gives us a path and we walk in it,with anticipation and expectation. The further away we get from the initial decision, the more we hesitate to believe that our dreams could very well be in line with what God wants for us. As the doubt creeps deeper into our souls and opposition impedes our path, the hurt seeps in. The lie that our dream was never God's, that our desires will never come to light, blinds us and in brief moments or maybe not so brief moments of weakness we cannot help but think that God did this to us.

We get stuck in the wilderness.

Our very own doubts keep us wandering.

In the midst of the blessing, all we can do is complain of Manna.

The Struggle of a Blessed Life.

Some mornings when it is dreary and I still want to be in bed, I start up the Kuerig, turn on my music, and catch up on my favorite children's ministry blogs. Today is one of those mornings. Usually I read about the latest in kidmin culture, new books, curriculum, sweet room designs, and advice from those wiser then me. Today though, I was struck by Jonathan Cliff's latest post. He started writing about perspective. Usually I'm not a sucker for the motivational pushes for change...but this really hit me. He started off writing about the different things he has complained about lately (to which I read quickly so that I wouldn't feel too guilty), but then I couldn't ignore what he said next: 

"Perspective.  That’s some kind of word, huh?  How to get it?  How to maintain it?  How to keep it?I’m not sure, but I know that this $100 backpack will sure help.  Or will it?  I struggle to live out my perfectly perfect life in an environment that is the envy of the rest of the world.  I struggle.  Struggle, really?  What the what?  It’s the great western world dilemma.  Living with gratitude for all that I have, while also having a perspective on the blessings I’ve been given."

Wow. "I struggle to live out my perfectly perfect life in a an environment that is the envy of the rest of the world. I struggle." How true is this? Really...it's like a punch in the gut. So often I wake up frustrated. I am frustrated with where I am at in life. I am ready for more. I am frustrated with drivers who use the passing lane to stroll to work. I am frustrated that I am wet from the rain and that my nose itches from allergies. I am frustrated that I have too much to do...ironically I'm frustrated because I don't have enough to do. I sure have a rough life huh? I struggle in a life that is full of blessings. Sick.

Cliff goes on, "Is the new iPad a toy, or a work tool? Just seeing those words makes me want to puke." Why have these thoughts even entered my mind? Is that really my biggest question for the day? This is my struggle. Sick.

So how do we make sure that we do not fall into the trap of complaints, of envy, and of selfishness? When we call it what it is (who wants to do that?), it's entitlement, isn't it? I mean really I feel that I need or deserve the very best. People around me have the best, so I should too. I wonder how much it would change if I were to live somewhere else. Sometimes I look at pictures, read articles, or watch the news, and I feel like throwing up. I want new shoes to add to my pile, while that little kid is dying because he can't find food. Ridiculous. I want to change, but really if I'm honest, it sure does not sound fun.

Cliff ends with - "2 Corinthians 8:9 “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich.”

My personal goal is to open my eyes to realities in the world that I would rather ignore and to let the Bible call me to look at those realities through the eyes of the one that gave up all to become poor.  And he did it so that I would become rich.  Not rich, like owning vacation homes and wearing expensive clothes rich.  Rich like not needing things of the world to define me. Perspective." 

What a great goal. I want to be rich as Christ defines rich... I am a daughter of the High King kind of rich.

28 before 28 - update

I am 23.5...28 is looming. Okay not really, but I wanted to update y'all on my list!

Green is done, blue is in progress, and black is not yet.

1. Learn to throw on the potter's wheel. - I had my first lesson today!

2. Have an apartment - make some of my own furniture...furnish it with antiques and quirky items. - done.

3. Finish writing my curriculum series for Children's Ministry.

4. Play tennis on a consistent basis. - I tried this for a couple weeks...

5. Continue to be a learner - read fiction and non-fiction, write, write, and continue writing, dialogue with others who stimulate new ideas and challenge me to grow and think about things in a new way. - I like this one.

6. Surround myself with friends to share life with, and be in a small group. - I'm really trying for this.

7. Lead a children's ministry. Equip families, tell Bible stories, invest in the lives of children, and love everyone that I meet. - Woot.

8. Maintain a healthy diet.

9. Buy an Ipad. - The children's ministry got one...so kind of.

10. Hike, bike, kayak, and camp...not just talking about it, but doing it. - I'm going to REI soon...one step closer...

11. Start on my Master's. - I want this to start now...

12. Make my parent's proud.

13. Get published- patience

14. Go on a missions trip.

15. Find a mentor.

16. Go skiing or snowboarding.

17. Lead someone (hopefully multiple people) to Christ.

18. Learn to play my guitar (not just chords, but actual songs and be good enough to play in front of others).

19. Consistently go to a coffee shop and talk to the people there.

20. Own a dog. - the best dog in the whole world

21. Read through the entire Bible. - I'm not going in order...but I do want to at some point

22. Learn to sew from my mom.

23. Sponsor a child through World Vision. - Compassion won out.

24. Go to a ministry conference (ex. Orange or Simply Youth Ministry)

25. Own, and know how to operate, a nice camera.

26. Volunteer at a sea turtle hospital...for at least a day.

27. Own a collection of records...and a record player.

28. Walk in the footprints of Christ getting closer and closer to Him each and every day.

Well, there you have it...I feel pretty good about getting most (hopefully) all of these done by the time I'm 28...there might be a few added and a few nixed as a result of growing and changing, but regardless...here we go!

Names

In my Tuesday night small group we have started a study on Prayer. Now I'm not gonna lie...I did not want to do this study at all. I really thought it would be about telling me to try different ways of praying and this rubs me the wrong way. I feel like prayer is an outpouring of an inward transformation. Often when I am told to try a particular discipline or way of doing something I feel like a fake. I feel like my actions are contrived and not from my heart. Yes, I know we still need to go through the actions and pray that God gives us the grace to align our heart with His so that it is genuine, I get that, but that does not change that I feel like a jerk when it's not from my heart.

Although we have been encouraged to try some different ways of praying, it has been so much more open to interpretation then I expected. This past week we have been studying the names of God, and though I am tempted to pull out Dr. Bounds Theology 2 class notes and write down the nature and attributes of God, I have abstained.

In conjunction with this study I have been reading "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. Again I typically get annoyed with devotionals. So often they lack depth and in all honesty feel corny. I have been surprised yet again. Young has been able to take the Scriptures and pull out the key truths that present themselves in the text. She has written it in such a way that as I read it God's truth's overwhelm me.

Today's devotional started off by saying "Give yourself fully to the adventure of today. Walk boldly along the path of Life, relying on your ever-present Companion. You have every reason to by confident, because My Presence accompanies you all the days of your life and onward into eternity. Do not give into fear or worry those robbers of abundant living. Trust Me enough to face problems as they come, rather than trying to anticipate them."

Wow. This really hit me. I have been grumbling to God under my breath the past few weeks. I have been lonely, tired, frustrated, and through it all unintentionally, and I guess if I'm honest some days intentionally, blaming God for the mess I seemingly live in. The funny thing is that most of my grumblings are future oriented. Even my complaints about the here and now are because I fear that things might not change.

God is my ever-present Companion. He walks with me hand in hand. I can have confidence in Him because I am with Him. I can walk boldly in this adventure. I do not need to fear what could be, because it is not yet and might not be. Even if it does become the now, God will still be there and we will figure it out together.

Last night I went outside to let Ollie out before bed and I was grumbling yet again. I'm not ever sure what I was whining about. The past few days have been rainy, foggy, and cloudy, but last night in the middle of my complaints I looked up and was stopped in my tracks. The stars were just beautiful. The next thing I know I am singing the song "Majesty." Majesty. God is Majesty. God stopped me in my tracks to remind me that He is in control and that is Awe(some). God has many attributes, but one of my favorites is Majesty.

2012 - Let's rock this.

I haven't blogged in a while. I have been taking a break from writing and instead just absorbing.

Last Christmas I posted a blog called 28 before 28. In this blog post I made a list of the 28 things that I want to accomplish by the time I am 28 (4.5 years left!). I have made some dents in the list and will post an update it soon.

To be completely honest, I am pumped for 2012. Unlike last year, it is an even number; six goes into it two times, and I think this is a good thing. 2011 was the year of transition. So much changed in such a short amount of time.

My hope for 2012 is that it will be a year of growth.

I hope to build on the foundation that God is laying and cannot wait to see the ways that God transforms me to be more like him.

So, my growth goals for 2012 (or I guess you could call them resolutions)

1. Cooking - As a part of my attempts to become healthy, I want to become a better cook and I hear that starts with actually cooking...go figure. I want to look at cooking as creating, and enjoy the process of becoming a more health person.

2. Music-ing - I have a guitar...I also have a ukelele. I want to be able to use them.

3. Creating - I love to draw. I may sign up for a class...either in drawing, or painting, or pottery. I miss this hobby.

4. Smart-ing - Over my vacation back to Indiana I started reading again. Yes it was fiction...and yes it was for young adults...but I do hope to continue reading. I would like to read ministry related books, fictional stories, and personal growth books. I want to continue to be relevant within my ministry and one way that I can do this is through keeping up with what those I hope to influence are interested in (don't worry I will not be picking up Twilight anytime soon).

5. Ab-finding - I want to find my abs...I'm almost positive I have some.

6. Relationship-ing - God has blessed me with some amazing friends and an incredible family. In this next year I want to continue to invest into the relationships from "back home" and then make more of an effort to build the relationships that I have here in the lone star state.

7. Outdoorsy-ing - I love to be outside and so does my awesome dog, Ollie. I cannot wait for him to get his last puppy shot so we can walk some trails (especially the one by my apartment)

8. Bible-ing - I love the stories, especially now that I am teaching them, but I have a hard time reading my Bible once I am home. One way I will do this is by looking at each book, character, and letter through the lens of the "Big God Story" (thank you Tru).

9. Writing - Although I will continue to seek out the wisdom of other leaders in kidmin, I will attempt to add my little peanut of "wisdom" into the mix. Blogging here we come. I would also like to journal and write some short stories.

10. Kidmin-ing - Well this one is a gimme, it's kind of my job, but my goal is to continue to be a learner. I will continue to push myself so that I am doing the best that I can for the kids that I oversee. I will continue to give the children's ministry over to God and ask that God work through me despite me. I will walk with confidence and stand tall knowing that I belong to God and with Him all things are possible.

Well there we have it, my 10 growth goals for 2012. So what are your goals?