Blood on my Hands

I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease when I was two years old. This means that I cannot eat wheat, oats, or barley malt. Usually this does not really matter much to me - food is food, no big deal.

In these past three and a half years I have really begun to appreciate the Lord's Supper. In one of my classes (Synoptic Gospels) I studied Luke 22:14-23. This passage is about the Last Supper, the fulfillment of a covenant.

The Old Testament is filled with covenants...promises made by God. He promises Noah that He won't flood the earth again, He promises Abraham land and many descendants, and He promises the Law given through Moses to the Israelites. Most, if not all, covenants were sealed with a blood sacrifice.

So, Jesus in Luke 22 is having one final meal with His best friends and this final meal happens to be the Passover feast. Passover...the staple Jewish holiday. Passover...the remembering of the Exodus. Remembering that God delivered His chosen people out of slavery. Remembering that God let their sons live, while others perished. Remembering that God holds true to His promises.

They are eating this meal together and Jesus, the night before He (the son of God) is going to be killed, takes bread and in verse 19 says: "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me." He takes the bread and breaks it. He breaks His body for them.

Then He takes the cup...verse 20 says, "In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you."

He takes the cup of the new covenant... a new covenant...not to abolish the old...but no, to bring fulfillment (in Greek - to be brought to full measure). This covenant, is God's promise brought to full measure by the blood of Jesus Christ Himself.

How amazing.

So the last day of this class, we all went to my Professor's house for lunch. He is one of the most Godly men that I have ever met in my entire life. While there, we all sat in his living room and he told us about his experiences with communion. He told us that no one should ever be left out of the blessing and grace brought to us through the cup and the bread. He then took out a chalice and loaf of bread and he and his wife went around and offered us all communion. It was a very powerful moment. They went around to each student individually saying, "this is the body of Christ broken for you," and "this is the blood of Christ which was poured out for you, do this in remembrance of Him." When they got to me, I looked down in shame because I had to refuse...the communion was by intinction and I physically was not able to partake. This was a really difficult moment for me. I had just finished studying the beauty of the cup, but was unable to join the community. I was heart broken.

This semester I live with an amazing young lady, Emily Hathway. She is beautiful inside and out and glows with the image of Christ in her. After hearing my heart on communion she offered to make gluten free bread for the Corem Deo Communion service.

The second time this semester that she did this, I was sitting in my room while the bread was baking and the smell of freshly baked bread snuck its way under the door and into my room...and I began to feel extremely hungry. As my stomach growled, I came to a realization that this is beautiful...I was hungering after the body of Christ.

Isn't that how it should be?

Later that night I went to communion service. A professor/minister had us stand together as he recited the words of distribution...the same words that Christ Himself used on that last night.

Then we made our way up the center aisles...

The bread...being gluten-free...crumbled as my peers took pinches to dunk into the cup. This made me smile just a little...

life is messy.

When my turn came, I pulled off a piece of the bread, dunked it into the cup, and went back to my seat. After eating my juice soaked bread, my hands were covered from the dripping juice.

I looked down at the sticky, crumby mess left on my once clean hands, and I realized that my hands are stained with the blood of Christ.

I am at fault.

The blood is on my hands... I am guilty.

In that same instant I also realized that the same blood that stains my hands, washes me clean.

The same blood that proves me guilty...makes me innocent.

I broke Christ. I am at fault...we all are...but that same body...that same blood ... overflows and makes us white as snow.

How incredible.