Bigger than "just'

I think I'm in a funk. Not the kind where a cup of coffee or more sleep (or chocolate) can snap me out of it. I think it's deeper. I feel restless and alone and it's lasted way too long. I can't seem to focus, and it's not the distraction of my normal ping pong brain, but a deeper discontented unfocus. I can't seem to think through what is eating at me. I can't seem to sit and pray or read. I want to, but I just feel stuck.  I have felt the need to sit down and make goals, but nothing comes. I thought maybe it was a lack of "resolutions" for 2013, but nah it's not that. I know what I want to reflect, I know how I want to be, but I'm just not. I want to pursue passions. I want to do art. to write. to play. I want to be strong and confident. I want to be intense. It's there. I can feel it. I want to say whatever is on my mind. I want to reflect Christ's love. I want to be a part of the Story. It's like something big is supposed to happen. I feel like this can't be it, but what is it then? Something bigger. Something that rocks my world, that flips it. Something totally exciting yet terrifying at the same time. I feel it in my core or in my soul. Do you feel it?

Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone else feel like this can't be it? Every time I bring it up I get these crazy looks or people shift in their chairs completely and utterly uncomfortable with the questions and discontent I bring. Or better yet I get "reassured" that I am "doing" enough. No way. I'm not talking about doing works to earn God's love. No. I am talking about God doing something huge. I am talking about a group of people coming together willing and ready for God to rock our worlds. I am talking about not settling for convenient Christianity, not settling for "just."

Just love those you come in contact with.
Just say a little prayer.
Just do the best you can.
Just...

No.

It's bigger than "just"...God deserves more than "just"...God is bigger than "just"...

I have no idea where this is going, but I have a feeling that this funk isn't going anywhere for a while.