In my Tuesday night small group we have started a study on Prayer. Now I'm not gonna lie...I did not want to do this study at all. I really thought it would be about telling me to try different ways of praying and this rubs me the wrong way. I feel like prayer is an outpouring of an inward transformation. Often when I am told to try a particular discipline or way of doing something I feel like a fake. I feel like my actions are contrived and not from my heart. Yes, I know we still need to go through the actions and pray that God gives us the grace to align our heart with His so that it is genuine, I get that, but that does not change that I feel like a jerk when it's not from my heart. Although we have been encouraged to try some different ways of praying, it has been so much more open to interpretation then I expected. This past week we have been studying the names of God, and though I am tempted to pull out Dr. Bounds Theology 2 class notes and write down the nature and attributes of God, I have abstained.
In conjunction with this study I have been reading "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. Again I typically get annoyed with devotionals. So often they lack depth and in all honesty feel corny. I have been surprised yet again. Young has been able to take the Scriptures and pull out the key truths that present themselves in the text. She has written it in such a way that as I read it God's truth's overwhelm me.
Today's devotional started off by saying "Give yourself fully to the adventure of today. Walk boldly along the path of Life, relying on your ever-present Companion. You have every reason to by confident, because My Presence accompanies you all the days of your life and onward into eternity. Do not give into fear or worry those robbers of abundant living. Trust Me enough to face problems as they come, rather than trying to anticipate them."
Wow. This really hit me. I have been grumbling to God under my breath the past few weeks. I have been lonely, tired, frustrated, and through it all unintentionally, and I guess if I'm honest some days intentionally, blaming God for the mess I seemingly live in. The funny thing is that most of my grumblings are future oriented. Even my complaints about the here and now are because I fear that things might not change.
God is my ever-present Companion. He walks with me hand in hand. I can have confidence in Him because I am with Him. I can walk boldly in this adventure. I do not need to fear what could be, because it is not yet and might not be. Even if it does become the now, God will still be there and we will figure it out together.
Last night I went outside to let Ollie out before bed and I was grumbling yet again. I'm not ever sure what I was whining about. The past few days have been rainy, foggy, and cloudy, but last night in the middle of my complaints I looked up and was stopped in my tracks. The stars were just beautiful. The next thing I know I am singing the song "Majesty." Majesty. God is Majesty. God stopped me in my tracks to remind me that He is in control and that is Awe(some). God has many attributes, but one of my favorites is Majesty.
